Friday, August 22, 2014

Day 34: Two way street

When is it time to let go of certain things, of certain people, of certain relationships?

I have a friend. Maybe I should be saying I had a friend. I was very very close to this friend. We shared every moment of our lives with each other, every secret, every insecurity, every bit of happiness. We fought, we had misunderstandings, we made up and we cleared the air. And all was well.

And then something happened.

This friend stopped talking to me, started pretending that I don't exist. All my phone calls went unanswered, my messages unread. If we were in the same room, this friend never even looked at me. 

I tried to find out what happened. I asked mutual friends if they knew what happened. I spent days and days trying to comprehend this sudden fallout. I looked back at the entire time we'd spent and tried to spot what I had done wrong. I started questioning myself about everything, every little thing I'd said or done to see if that was what was wrong. I kept blaming myself and assumed it was all my fault. Of course it had to be my fault, I must have done something so wrong that I actually stopped existing for somebody.

Then I realized that I can't be that bad a person. I had tried to find out what went wrong, I had tried to make amends. Friendship is a two way street and I couldn't continue carrying the burden of this apparent friendship alone. If my 'friend' had a problem with me, then I should have been made aware of this problem. Isn't that what friendship is? You learn from each other, you're honest with each other, you make things work out, and you forgive each other.

I have finally stopped worrying about this friend every moment of my life. I will no longer blame myself for whatever it is that transpired. If my friend chooses to ignore me, I don't care. However, I do know that if my friend needs somebody to talk to, needs any help any time of the day, I will try my best to help out.

Finally, I'm at peace with myself.